A number of years ago, {I won’t say how many because it makes me feel old!} my husband and I sat across a restaurant table from each other, staring at our burgers and both wishing we were somewhere else. We were on a road trip and had needed to stop for lunch somewhere along the way. I picked at my food until hubby looked at me and said, “What’s wrong?”
Me: “Nothing.”
Hubs: “That’s not true. Don’t you like your food?”
Me: “It’s fine….it’s just, well, it’s kind of greasy. And I’d have rather eaten at the place across the street.”
Hubs: “Then why didn’t you say so?”
Me: “Well, I knew you really wanted to eat here, so…”
Hubs: {laughing} “I didn’t want to eat here! I thought you wanted to. I wanted to go across the street too! What are we doing here?”
So, there we were, with our half-finished unwanted greasy burgers, each thinking we were the poster-child for loving your spouse sacrificially. At that moment, we both got up, left our burgers behind and went where we had both wanted to go all along. And we instituted from that day on something we call the honestly game.
It works like this. Whenever there’s a decision to be made or something comes up that isn’t fun to talk about, one of us invokes the honestly game, which means we both have to tell the whole truth, no matter what. We have to be real with each other. Because that’s the only way marriage {or friendship, or any relationship} works. And today, I’m invoking the honestly game with you.
Why? Well, I’ve seen and heard a lot of comments recently that lead me to believe a lot of folks who read blogs and browse Pinterest have some conflicting emotions sometimes…on one hand, it’s inspiring and fun to see all the projects and read about how to do them at home. On the other hand, sometimes it just plain makes some people feel like failures because they don’t have time to make ombre-dyed glittered Easter eggs and stencil their bedroom wall so it matches the repurposed door-turned-headboard they painted with chalk paint they made from scratch. And you know what?
I hate that.
I hate that some of you come here and see things that leave you feeling bad instead of inspired. I hate that seeing what I and my other friends in the DIY blogging community have created makes some people feel bad about their own lack of time or ability to do the same things. That’s not what this is about. If that’s what One Artsy Mama was for, I’d shut it down today. But it’s not. It’s a place to gain and share inspiration. To become a community of people who are figuring things out together…crafts, fashion, parenting…whatever! Goodness knows I can’t even buy a pair of sunglasses without getting y’all to give me feedback first these days!
I depend on interacting with you, but it only works if we play the honestly game. I want you to know that while I do try to be very real here and on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and wherever else we chat, there are some things you obviously don’t see. So here it is…the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I get these comments that say, “You’re such a great/fun/creative/wonderful mom!” Well…
HONESTLY there are days when Little Crafter and I don’t get out of our pajamas. At all.
HONESTLY, this morning I put on three hours worth of PBS Kids cartoons for LC so that I could sleep in longer and then blog {in my pajamas}.
HONESTLY it makes me crazy that there are only four things Little Crafter is willing to eat, so there was a month where he ate a hot dog every day. Then, I read online that eating more than 12 hot dogs in a month increases a child’s risk of leukemia, so I stopped letting him have them every day which sometimes makes him cry and refuse to eat anything at all.
HONESTLY I have no idea what I’m doing as a parent. I try my best and love him unconditionally, but there are days when I wonder what in the world is the best thing to do.
HONESTLY I feel guilty for making him take two hours of “LC time” every day to watch a movie so that I can do my work around the house and on the blog.
But HONESTLY I do love crafting with him, snuggling him, having “treat dates” with him and watching him learn and grow.
And then there are the comments about my house, my projects, etc.
HONESTLY every photo you see is carefully staged so you don’t see the mess I made making the project.
HONESTLY the “office” aka, the room I blog in, is a wreck. Currently, there’s barely a path to the desk and if you look on the floor there’s vinyl, scrap paper, a pair of bunny ears, tissure paper, crayons, several photo frames, a box of David Tutera products from last month’s campaign, a basket of nail polishes, Cammie, tape {oh, hey, I was looking for that!}, envelopes, a tape measure, and the pillowcase dresses I keep forgetting to mail to Project Yesu.
HONESTLY I don’t have a single room in my house that a magazine would want to photograph.
But HONESTLY our house is filled to the brim with love and with more artwork than you can imagine.
Oh, and the comments about me/my style/my fashion, etc.
HONESTLY I struggled with my weight until my sophomore year of college when I cut out fast food, donuts, fried foods, candy, etc. and did Tae Bo every day.
HONESTLY even though I dropped twelve dress sizes and have maintained my current weight for 12 years {eep, now I feel old!!}, I am still afraid of gaining the weight back.
HONESTLY I feel totally self conscious about my “mommy pooch”, that part of the stomach/abdomen that never does want to go back to its old self after childbirth.
HONESTLY I had zero sense of style until I was an adult and started reading fashion magazines and being willing to take style risks.
But HONESTLY, I’m starting to be in a place where I feel like I have my own sense of style and can feel more confident than self-conscious…most of the time.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’m sure there are plenty of other things I could say…{like “Honestly” I take anxiety medicine every day} and plenty of things you could tell me in return. I just wanted to put this out there to let you know that what you see on a screen is never the full reality. No blogger {or celebrity or anyone else you see online} has it all together. None of us actually have a perfect home, a perfect family, or a perfect life. Those people who make the adorable holiday crafts may have burned dinner last night. And the ones posting the delicious recipes? They probably got Chinese takeout last week just like you. We’re real people and we’re here to inspire, not to intimidate.
So, let’s all take a deep breath, stop comparing ourselves to ideals that don’t really exist, and remember that all any of us can be is the best possible version of ourselves. Deal?
Michelle says
Back at you babe!! I love this post and I’m so glad I found you – HONESTLY!! your amazing and so is your blog! 🙂 Michelle
csgomez79 says
I love your blog! I’m so glad you let us know what your crafting space looks like. Now I don’t feel so bad about the huge pile of “refashion” clothes that I’m saving on my bedroom floor to do something with some day. In the second grade, my son ate corndogs every day for after school snack and dinner. We Mom’s have to choose our battles sometimes.
Marilyn Clark says
Honestly, Amy, this is a great post! I think one of the pitfalls of blog is they are always perfect! We take he perfect picture, we don’t post the project until the finished project was a success. That is why I occasionally post a craft fail…although honestly, I have more failures than I have chosen to share. Thanks so much for reminding all of us that we are all real people with all the ups and downs that come with that! 🙂
Capi says
Thanks, Amy, for speaking honestly. Bless you!
Hugs, Capi
Marcy Knopf says
Thanks for this PERFECTLY HONEST POST! I finally started blogging after 1 year of wanting too…I thought I’d have to have everything perfect first. Then I woke up and realized that’s not who I am or what I love about any of my fav blogs ~ perfection. Mom with 5 kiddo’s and twins on the way means that I probably won’t have any home tours either, but am planning on revealing my twin’s nursery just because I’m so excited! Again, thank you for comforting me in all my craziness that surrounds me, for that’s what makes me, ME! @ day2daySuperMom.blogspot.com
Allie says
I honestly love that you wrote and shared this. The internet (as a blogger) has a way of making our lives look glossy, but we are just like everyone else. I write about being a military wife and the life we lead. But we fight and bicker and all sorts of normal couple things, do I write about them? No. My dirty laundry is my business… but no one is perfect. Thank you.
Lauras Crafty Life says
Love this post Amy! Thank you for sharing. It can be REALLY hard not to compare yourself and what you are or are not doing with other moms. I think it is a major downfall for a lot of women. But, you really never know what is going on in the other 85% of life behind the scenes of blogs and facebook. I think Pinterest can be especially hard on your self-esteem. Do I love Pinterest? Yes! But, and there is a big but, you see all these great projects that all these people are doing on their homes, for their kids, stuff they are cooking and it can be really easy to feel like you are not doing enough. I have to remind myself that this is coming from hundreds and thousands of different women and places. Not one of them is doing it all!
Crystal says
Honestly, I love this post!! If we are being honest, your blog inspires me not guilts me. Thanks for being so honest!!
Nancy Bandzuch says
This might be the most amazing post I have ever read on any blog. I am moved and challenged as a fellow blogger. Wonderful. Simply wonderful
Amanda Kristeen says
Wonderful post! Thanks for that!
Pieces to Love says
Thanks for being real. I too spend days in my jammies. I’ve always heard a messy space is the sign of a creative mind, and to that I say I must be quite creative :). And that also drives my husband batty.
Kaylee Snyder says
Thank you for this. Sometimes I think crafters are perfectionists (I know I am!). It’s a good reminder that we try our best, but no one is perfect all the time. And now I don’t feel bad about still being in my pajamas.
justpeachy36 says
This is the kind of post that inspires me more than the projects LOL! I love your blog. You don’t have to be perfect, none of us are. I love the projects and your honesty.
Becca @ Love Our Disney says
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! None of us are perfect, and I love that you are putting that out there to help others realize they don’t have to be. 🙂
Heidi Meek says
I certainly have NOTHING together and I am so glad that you posted this. Thanks for being so transparent and real with your readers. 🙂
Dawn Paoletta says
You are beautiful, inside and out…but especially the inside part. That shined nicely in this post! Honestly.
amy mayen says
Shared on g+! Great post!
Amy of While Wearing Heels says
Amy, this is exactly why I love you and your blog. Thanks for keeping it real and playing the honestly game with us. It’s so refreshing to hear that *I* am not alone. There is so much pressure, mostly self inflicted to make everything seem *picture* perfect. Your blog has only ever and continues to make me feel inspired. I loved learning more about you today and have even more respect for you and your real life struggles that the rest of us deal with as well. Thanks for sharing.
Jessica Arber says
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!!! 🙂
My favorite bloggers are bloggers like you who are willing to bare it all and show us that you’re real… You’re a super woman and a super mom but not superhuman :)Thanks for being honest!
Marilyn Clark says
Amy, I absolutely love this post….it’s so inspirational every time I read it! 😀