The Honestly Game

A number of years ago, {I won’t say how many because it makes me feel old!} my husband and I sat across a restaurant table from each other, staring at our burgers and both wishing we were somewhere else.  We were on a road trip and had needed to stop for lunch somewhere along the way.  I picked at my food until hubby looked at me and said, “What’s wrong?”

Me: “Nothing.”
Hubs: “That’s not true.  Don’t you like your food?”
Me: “It’s fine….it’s just, well, it’s kind of greasy.  And I’d have rather eaten at the place across the street.”
Hubs: “Then why didn’t you say so?”
Me: “Well, I knew you really wanted to eat here, so…”
Hubs: {laughing} “I didn’t want to eat here!  I thought you wanted to.  I wanted to go across the street too!  What are we doing here?”

So, there we were, with our half-finished unwanted greasy burgers, each thinking we were the poster-child for loving your spouse sacrificially.  At that moment, we both got up, left our burgers behind and went where we had both wanted to go all along.  And we instituted from that day on something we call the honestly game.

It works like this.  Whenever there’s a decision to be made or something comes up that isn’t fun to talk about, one of us invokes the honestly game, which means we both have to tell the whole truth, no matter what.  We have to be real with each other.  Because that’s the only way marriage {or friendship, or any relationship} works.  And today, I’m invoking the honestly game with you.

Why?  Well, I’ve seen and heard a lot of comments recently that lead me to believe a lot of folks who read blogs and browse Pinterest have some conflicting emotions sometimes…on one hand, it’s inspiring and fun to see all the projects and read about how to do them at home.  On the other hand, sometimes it just plain makes some people feel like failures because they don’t have time to make ombre-dyed glittered Easter eggs and stencil their bedroom wall so it matches the repurposed door-turned-headboard they painted with chalk paint they made from scratch.  And you know what?

I hate that.

I hate that some of you come here and see things that leave you feeling bad instead of inspired.  I hate that seeing what I and my other friends in the DIY blogging community have created makes some people feel bad about their own lack of time or ability to do the same things.  That’s not what this is about.  If that’s what One Artsy Mama was for, I’d shut it down today.  But it’s not.  It’s a place to gain and share inspiration.  To become a community of people who are figuring things out together…crafts, fashion, parenting…whatever!  Goodness knows I can’t even buy a pair of sunglasses without getting y’all to give me feedback first these days!

I depend on interacting with you, but it only works if we play the honestly game.  I want you to know that while I do try to be very real here and on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and wherever else we chat, there are some things you obviously don’t see.  So here it is…the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I get these comments that say, “You’re such a great/fun/creative/wonderful mom!” Well…

HONESTLY there are days when Little Crafter and I don’t get out of our pajamas.  At all.

HONESTLY, this morning I put on three hours worth of PBS Kids cartoons for LC so that I could sleep in longer and then blog {in my pajamas}.

HONESTLY it makes me crazy that there are only four things Little Crafter is willing to eat, so there was a month where he ate a hot dog every day.  Then, I read online that eating more than 12 hot dogs in a month increases a child’s risk of leukemia, so I stopped letting him have them every day which sometimes makes him cry and refuse to eat anything at all.

HONESTLY I have no idea what I’m doing as a parent.  I try my best and love him unconditionally, but there are days when I wonder what in the world is the best thing to do.

HONESTLY I feel guilty for making him take two hours of  “LC time” every day to watch a movie so that I can do my work around the house and on the blog.

But HONESTLY I do love crafting with him, snuggling him, having “treat dates” with him and watching him learn and grow.

And then there are the comments about my house, my projects, etc.

HONESTLY every photo you see is carefully staged so you don’t see the mess I made making the project.

HONESTLY the “office” aka, the room I blog in, is a wreck.  Currently, there’s barely a path to the desk and if you look on the floor there’s vinyl, scrap paper, a pair of bunny ears, tissure paper, crayons, several photo frames, a box of David Tutera products from last month’s campaign, a basket of nail polishes, Cammie, tape {oh, hey, I was looking for that!}, envelopes, a tape measure, and the pillowcase dresses I keep forgetting to mail to Project Yesu.

HONESTLY I don’t have a single room in my house that a magazine would want to photograph.

But HONESTLY our house is filled to the brim with love and with more artwork than you can imagine.

Oh, and the comments about me/my style/my fashion, etc.

HONESTLY I struggled with my weight until my sophomore year of college when I cut out fast food, donuts, fried foods, candy, etc. and did Tae Bo every day.

HONESTLY even though I dropped twelve dress sizes and have maintained my current weight for 12 years {eep, now I feel old!!}, I am still afraid of gaining the weight back.

HONESTLY I feel totally self conscious about my “mommy pooch”, that part of the stomach/abdomen that never does want to go back to its old self after childbirth.

HONESTLY I had zero sense of style until I was an adult and started reading fashion magazines and being willing to take style risks.

But HONESTLY, I’m starting to be in a place where I feel like I have my own sense of style and can feel more confident than self-conscious…most of the time.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  I’m sure there are plenty of other things I could say…{like “Honestly” I take anxiety medicine every day} and plenty of things you could tell me in return.  I just wanted to put this out there to let you know that what you see on a screen is never the full reality.  No blogger {or celebrity or anyone else you see online} has it all together.  None of us actually have a perfect home, a perfect family, or a perfect life.  Those people who make the adorable holiday crafts may have burned dinner last night.  And the ones posting the delicious recipes?  They probably got Chinese takeout last week just like you.  We’re real people and we’re here to inspire, not to intimidate.

So, let’s all take a deep breath, stop comparing ourselves to ideals that don’t really exist, and remember that all any of us can be is the best possible version of ourselves.  Deal?