A number of years ago, {I won’t say how many because it makes me feel old!} my husband and I sat across a restaurant table from each other, staring at our burgers and both wishing we were somewhere else. We were on a road trip and had needed to stop for lunch somewhere along the way. I picked at my food until hubby looked at me and said, “What’s wrong?”
Me: “Nothing.”
Hubs: “That’s not true. Don’t you like your food?”
Me: “It’s fine….it’s just, well, it’s kind of greasy. And I’d have rather eaten at the place across the street.”
Hubs: “Then why didn’t you say so?”
Me: “Well, I knew you really wanted to eat here, so…”
Hubs: {laughing} “I didn’t want to eat here! I thought you wanted to. I wanted to go across the street too! What are we doing here?”
So, there we were, with our half-finished unwanted greasy burgers, each thinking we were the poster-child for loving your spouse sacrificially. At that moment, we both got up, left our burgers behind and went where we had both wanted to go all along. And we instituted from that day on something we call the honestly game.
It works like this. Whenever there’s a decision to be made or something comes up that isn’t fun to talk about, one of us invokes the honestly game, which means we both have to tell the whole truth, no matter what. We have to be real with each other. Because that’s the only way marriage {or friendship, or any relationship} works. And today, I’m invoking the honestly game with you.
Why? Well, I’ve seen and heard a lot of comments recently that lead me to believe a lot of folks who read blogs and browse Pinterest have some conflicting emotions sometimes…on one hand, it’s inspiring and fun to see all the projects and read about how to do them at home. On the other hand, sometimes it just plain makes some people feel like failures because they don’t have time to make ombre-dyed glittered Easter eggs and stencil their bedroom wall so it matches the repurposed door-turned-headboard they painted with chalk paint they made from scratch. And you know what?
I hate that.
I hate that some of you come here and see things that leave you feeling bad instead of inspired. I hate that seeing what I and my other friends in the DIY blogging community have created makes some people feel bad about their own lack of time or ability to do the same things. That’s not what this is about. If that’s what One Artsy Mama was for, I’d shut it down today. But it’s not. It’s a place to gain and share inspiration. To become a community of people who are figuring things out together…crafts, fashion, parenting…whatever! Goodness knows I can’t even buy a pair of sunglasses without getting y’all to give me feedback first these days!
I depend on interacting with you, but it only works if we play the honestly game. I want you to know that while I do try to be very real here and on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and wherever else we chat, there are some things you obviously don’t see. So here it is…the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I get these comments that say, “You’re such a great/fun/creative/wonderful mom!” Well…
HONESTLY there are days when Little Crafter and I don’t get out of our pajamas. At all.
HONESTLY, this morning I put on three hours worth of PBS Kids cartoons for LC so that I could sleep in longer and then blog {in my pajamas}.
HONESTLY it makes me crazy that there are only four things Little Crafter is willing to eat, so there was a month where he ate a hot dog every day. Then, I read online that eating more than 12 hot dogs in a month increases a child’s risk of leukemia, so I stopped letting him have them every day which sometimes makes him cry and refuse to eat anything at all.
HONESTLY I have no idea what I’m doing as a parent. I try my best and love him unconditionally, but there are days when I wonder what in the world is the best thing to do.
HONESTLY I feel guilty for making him take two hours of “LC time” every day to watch a movie so that I can do my work around the house and on the blog.
But HONESTLY I do love crafting with him, snuggling him, having “treat dates” with him and watching him learn and grow.
And then there are the comments about my house, my projects, etc.
HONESTLY every photo you see is carefully staged so you don’t see the mess I made making the project.
HONESTLY the “office” aka, the room I blog in, is a wreck. Currently, there’s barely a path to the desk and if you look on the floor there’s vinyl, scrap paper, a pair of bunny ears, tissure paper, crayons, several photo frames, a box of David Tutera products from last month’s campaign, a basket of nail polishes, Cammie, tape {oh, hey, I was looking for that!}, envelopes, a tape measure, and the pillowcase dresses I keep forgetting to mail to Project Yesu.
HONESTLY I don’t have a single room in my house that a magazine would want to photograph.
But HONESTLY our house is filled to the brim with love and with more artwork than you can imagine.
Oh, and the comments about me/my style/my fashion, etc.
HONESTLY I struggled with my weight until my sophomore year of college when I cut out fast food, donuts, fried foods, candy, etc. and did Tae Bo every day.
HONESTLY even though I dropped twelve dress sizes and have maintained my current weight for 12 years {eep, now I feel old!!}, I am still afraid of gaining the weight back.
HONESTLY I feel totally self conscious about my “mommy pooch”, that part of the stomach/abdomen that never does want to go back to its old self after childbirth.
HONESTLY I had zero sense of style until I was an adult and started reading fashion magazines and being willing to take style risks.
But HONESTLY, I’m starting to be in a place where I feel like I have my own sense of style and can feel more confident than self-conscious…most of the time.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’m sure there are plenty of other things I could say…{like “Honestly” I take anxiety medicine every day} and plenty of things you could tell me in return. I just wanted to put this out there to let you know that what you see on a screen is never the full reality. No blogger {or celebrity or anyone else you see online} has it all together. None of us actually have a perfect home, a perfect family, or a perfect life. Those people who make the adorable holiday crafts may have burned dinner last night. And the ones posting the delicious recipes? They probably got Chinese takeout last week just like you. We’re real people and we’re here to inspire, not to intimidate.
So, let’s all take a deep breath, stop comparing ourselves to ideals that don’t really exist, and remember that all any of us can be is the best possible version of ourselves. Deal?
s. berry says
i HONESTLY love this post – it’s sooo refreshing to hear you say all those things. i don’t “know” you as a person, but i feel like i know you through the blog world – and of all the blogs i read, yours is one i read all the time BECAUSE you seem so real. your crafts aren’t TOO lofty, just lofty enough. your posts aren’t ALWAYS about crafts – they are about your family too.
keep up the good work!! 🙂 I’m BUMMED (and kinda embarrassed) i couldn’t even find half of the eggs, buuuuut i WILL find them next year!! 😀 thank you for the daily “hugs & glitter” 🙂
Heather says
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. You rock. 🙂
Jill @ Create.Craft.Love. says
UMMMMM – were you and I separated at birth? I can totally agree with just about everything you posted about – from PBS kids to weight issues to fashion sense. Love you, friend! Chin up! Great post!
Kadie says
Awwww Amy this made me tear up a little. You are so sweet and wonderful for putting yourself out there and being so honest!! My kiddos have watched far to much TV today so I could get my party post done, because I was to tired to get to it last night. It happens! And I love the part about the carefully staged photos who doesn’t do that?! Great post my dear!:) Big {{HUGS}} to you.
Jodi Stuber says
you are amazing.. for writing this post and just for everything you are.
its sometimes hard to remember that everyone is human and no ones houses are actually perfect…. except those that dont create and live probably. 🙂
Designed Decor says
Great post Amy! We all are trying to figure it out day by day! If anyone claims to be perfect and have it all figured out, they are lying!
sb78 says
<3 <3 <3!!! Great post! Amazing reminder that we ALL are human! :)
Grandma says
Wow!! That was an awesome post. You are honestly
an amazing mom and truly inspiring. I love to follow your blog and see all of your great ideas and thoughts…You always encourage others and make us feel like we can do great things too. Thanks 🙂
Tawna Thompson says
Thank you Amy for this! I can’t even tell you how much you have helped me all of these things make it harder to think I can do it and all of these things also make me think that maybe I can! You are awesome and you inspire me everyday! Loves!
DM TheFauxFae says
I love this post! It could have been me saying most of that of myself! lol Thanks for sharing the real you.
Megan Miller says
Love it and you-Honestly!
[email protected] Tough Mother says
Honestly, you ARE inspiring and wonderful and beautiful (inside and out). Great post. It is so easy to get overwhelmed by other people’s awesomeness, and I love how transparent you are on your blog so people know you are a real person with real messes and real family stuff. I try to do that on my blog, too, and I really think it helps readers relate that much more – to know bloggers aren’t perfect…far from it, actually.
So glad you shared this! Thank you!
Jessica Terrence says
This is a great post. I will have to direct my friends here when they roll their eyes at yet another craft project I’ve done. Somehow people have started thinking of people who craft (or cook, or read, or have any sort of hobby) as supermoms. I’m not a supermom either. I just love to make crafts with my daughter. I’m pretty sure we’d both go stark raving mad without them! Oh, and my house is trashed too. You mean, I have to do the dishes EVERYDAY?? 🙂
RobinM says
Well said. I honestly wish I had more time, more money, a cleaner house, “craft time” or even just “Mommy time” to myself but the reality of life is what it is and we can either except it or resist it. I am just thankful that I am grounded and okay with who I am…….and honestly, you inspire me to create more and get my son (who is about the same age as LC)to do fun projects with me. I figure if I’m getting to craft who cares if it gets messed up or isn’t perfect as long as my son is occupied and having a good time doing something fun with Mommy, they YIPPEE for both of us. 🙂
Hayleigh Clarkson says
Fabulous post! So refreshing to see the ‘behind the scenes’ that most bloggers don’t show. Well inspired now 🙂
Linda Paradis says
Great post. You call it honesty, I call it Reality.
[email protected]'s Mansion says
Honestly, the best post on blogging. We barely have food in the fridge because I blog over shopping – I feed 5 kids, they all hate it. That’s probably the worst but there are plenty more!
Sarah Desjardins says
I love you Amy! You rock. 😉
Melissa says
Honestly, this is an awesome post! I have recently started blogging less because I just couldn’t keep up the pace I was trying to maintain, and honestly, I feel so much more relaxed, though a full email box is enough to stress me out. Thank you for sharing!
Lindsay(PACountryCrafts) says
<3 Thanks for keeping it real! Bloggers are human, too! :)
Kara @ Simplistically Sassy says
After having my baby, and when I started blogging again, this is why I did it. I was really having a hard time with the perfection that seems to come across in so many ways. I think it’s so hard because we all want to be able to do it all … but no one can. I love you blog, always have, and admire you so much. You do wonderful things with you blog. I LOVE that you wrote thing. I love seeing how other bloggers/women/mothers/wives keep life real and aren’t afraid to show the “behind the scenes.”
decorumdiyer says
Darn it! Just when I thought you couldn’t get any cuter, sweeter, nicer, and more honest. Shucks! I
In all serious, thanks for this post. I am ‘there’ everyday. I log on, check things out and feel worse about myself than when I woke up. No fun. I really needed to hear this today. 🙂
Thanks!
Andrea Kruse says
Oh, so true! I blog about food… beautiful pics I also stage while the rest of the house looks like a bomb went off in it… while in my PJs, and afterwards we eat pancakes for the 4th time that week. My family loves me and I love them. I had my editorial calendar are prepped for Easter and you know it, never dyed a single egg! It happens. I am human. Currently pregnant, hormonal and VERY human. 🙂 Loved the post!
Nicole @WonkyW says
Wow girl, you are brave! I love when I come across these refreshingly honest posts. I think a lot of folks do think that bloggers actually live in their perfect photographs (even though they are styled, cropped & edited). I love the saying: Never compare someone else’s highlight reel with your behind the scenes footage. 🙂
Ladybird Ln says
Loved this post your honesty is so refreshing, and I can really relate… to both sides!
Carlee
[email protected] says
100% with you, artsy mama! If folks will just be honest (kindly) then there will e fewer misunderstandings. And now I’m off to clean my house and spend time with my family.
Angela Ryder says
Wow! You totally spoke to me in this post. As a new blogger, I’m feeling a wee bit overwhelmed and have been thinking to myself…I don’t think I can do all this stuff! Thank you! I’m so glad I found you today and this post! ~~Angela
Chiwei @ One Dog Woof says
Love the post Amy, and love you too! So glad to have met you and share in staged photos and back stories of life. And don’t people call TV the “other” babysitter? J was sick for 2 days at home, and I think we watched Cars and Cars2 twice, each day (omg), so whoever stayed home with him could still get work done.
Amy @ The Happy Scraps says
Awesome Post!! I’m a blogger and sometimes I even feel intimidated, but I also recognize that I don’t have to keep up with people if I don’t want to. I love this post and I think the “honestly” game is awesome! Thank you for taking the time to write and post this. 🙂
Lynne says
In agreement with everyone here….it is easy to feel overwhelmed when I do my blog reading, and wonder, why can’t I do all that? It is refreshing to hear someone say “I can’t do all that either.” thanks!
Lish Hummel says
YOU SAID IT. every. little. bit. I might have to share this with my readers too 🙂 Thanks Amy!
Amanda says
Ahhh, love.this.post!! Thanks for sharing with us…and I’m right there with ya! Lord knows there’s not a space in my house a magazine would cover, my kids eat lots of hot dogs, and frozen waffles, and grilled cheese. Sometimes for two weeks straight:) Many days I’m doing good to get a shower and my dining room looks like the ghetto most of the time.
Loved getting to know you a little better tonight!
Amanda
AbsoluteMommy says
Seriously I love this! Thank you for this post! But I love being inspired by your DIY and I always leave your blog with a smile! This is a great post. And now I’m inspired to write my own!
Karen Mary Butterfly says
This was so cute. Just love it. You inspire. We all have our moments of feeling overwhelmed and under-productive and it’s no one fault. We all need to be able to laugh at ourselves and be real! Thanks!
Karen
Terry says
Oh Amy this is truly a gift post. Thank you so much for sharing the real you. I have had real comparison issues in the past. This was completely refreshing.
Cindy says
Amy–thank you so much. As a new blogger, I am always comparing myself to others and it sucks. I try not to, but I look up to you guys so much. This post is a nice reminder that no one is perfect and we must try to just be ourselves. I love the honestly game idea…after 15 years of marriage, I agree that honesty is much needed in any relationship you want to last.
I love your blog, I love your creativity and I love that you are open with your readers. U R AWESOME!!!
Cindy @crazyloucreations
Faith @ Artistic31Mama says
This is the best post ever!! Thank you for sharing. I’m going to share this! 🙂 I think everyone needs to read this. I have people tell me things like that and I always laugh telling them they don’t see “behind the scenes.” I, myself, tend to have those failure thoughts run through my mind as I browse blogs and Pinterest, but I’ve learned to stop myself and remember that no one is perfect. 🙂 I can relate to this post in every aspect; as a blogger, reader, mom and crafter! 🙂
Krissy says
This is a wonderful post. I might need to institute the honestly game with my hubby since he’s the type who just doesn’t talk when something is bothering him!
And if it helps you feel better, let me tell you some things honestly:
Honestly, my craft space is a closet… a very messy closet.
Honestly, I work better in a messy place and it drives my hubby crazy.
Honestly, my 4 year old son refuses to eat anything other than mac & cheese, bread, pickles, and American cheese. So we have instituted a “you don’t have to like it, but you do have to try it” rule at dinner time. If he chooses not to eat, he goes straight to bed. Since we started, there has been a lot of screaming and gagging (oh my goodness, we made him eat a bite of hamburger!), but he has not gone to bed early once. Stick to your guns and eventually (I hope) the kid will start eating like a real human.
Honestly, I think people need not compare themselves to others. Like you said, you are careful about what you post so that everything looks good. We shouldn’t compare our bad to other people’s good.
Thanks for sharing!
Annie One Can Cook! says
Amy, this is wonderful. Thank you for sharing this post! Your words were so refreshing to hear–the part that stuck out to me the most is the part about taking anti-anxiety medication every day. I have severe anxiety and have to take Prozac when I wake up in the morning and another pill before I go to bed to rest my mind and help me sleep. I have always felt insecure about that (especially in the blogging world) so it really means a lot to me to hear that somebody I respect as much as you has some of the same problems. Don’t ever stop what you’re doing–you are very loved and respected and we all enjoy/appreciate your posts/projects/recipes/pictures/crafts/parties/coffee dates/etc. 🙂
catigrey says
You rock . . .
Michelle says
Back at you babe!! I love this post and I’m so glad I found you – HONESTLY!! your amazing and so is your blog! 🙂 Michelle
csgomez79 says
I love your blog! I’m so glad you let us know what your crafting space looks like. Now I don’t feel so bad about the huge pile of “refashion” clothes that I’m saving on my bedroom floor to do something with some day. In the second grade, my son ate corndogs every day for after school snack and dinner. We Mom’s have to choose our battles sometimes.
Marilyn Clark says
Honestly, Amy, this is a great post! I think one of the pitfalls of blog is they are always perfect! We take he perfect picture, we don’t post the project until the finished project was a success. That is why I occasionally post a craft fail…although honestly, I have more failures than I have chosen to share. Thanks so much for reminding all of us that we are all real people with all the ups and downs that come with that! 🙂
Capi says
Thanks, Amy, for speaking honestly. Bless you!
Hugs, Capi
Marcy Knopf says
Thanks for this PERFECTLY HONEST POST! I finally started blogging after 1 year of wanting too…I thought I’d have to have everything perfect first. Then I woke up and realized that’s not who I am or what I love about any of my fav blogs ~ perfection. Mom with 5 kiddo’s and twins on the way means that I probably won’t have any home tours either, but am planning on revealing my twin’s nursery just because I’m so excited! Again, thank you for comforting me in all my craziness that surrounds me, for that’s what makes me, ME! @ day2daySuperMom.blogspot.com
Allie says
I honestly love that you wrote and shared this. The internet (as a blogger) has a way of making our lives look glossy, but we are just like everyone else. I write about being a military wife and the life we lead. But we fight and bicker and all sorts of normal couple things, do I write about them? No. My dirty laundry is my business… but no one is perfect. Thank you.
Lauras Crafty Life says
Love this post Amy! Thank you for sharing. It can be REALLY hard not to compare yourself and what you are or are not doing with other moms. I think it is a major downfall for a lot of women. But, you really never know what is going on in the other 85% of life behind the scenes of blogs and facebook. I think Pinterest can be especially hard on your self-esteem. Do I love Pinterest? Yes! But, and there is a big but, you see all these great projects that all these people are doing on their homes, for their kids, stuff they are cooking and it can be really easy to feel like you are not doing enough. I have to remind myself that this is coming from hundreds and thousands of different women and places. Not one of them is doing it all!
Crystal says
Honestly, I love this post!! If we are being honest, your blog inspires me not guilts me. Thanks for being so honest!!
Nancy Bandzuch says
This might be the most amazing post I have ever read on any blog. I am moved and challenged as a fellow blogger. Wonderful. Simply wonderful
Amanda Kristeen says
Wonderful post! Thanks for that!
Pieces to Love says
Thanks for being real. I too spend days in my jammies. I’ve always heard a messy space is the sign of a creative mind, and to that I say I must be quite creative :). And that also drives my husband batty.
Kaylee Snyder says
Thank you for this. Sometimes I think crafters are perfectionists (I know I am!). It’s a good reminder that we try our best, but no one is perfect all the time. And now I don’t feel bad about still being in my pajamas.
justpeachy36 says
This is the kind of post that inspires me more than the projects LOL! I love your blog. You don’t have to be perfect, none of us are. I love the projects and your honesty.
Becca @ Love Our Disney says
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! None of us are perfect, and I love that you are putting that out there to help others realize they don’t have to be. 🙂
Heidi Meek says
I certainly have NOTHING together and I am so glad that you posted this. Thanks for being so transparent and real with your readers. 🙂
Dawn Paoletta says
You are beautiful, inside and out…but especially the inside part. That shined nicely in this post! Honestly.
amy mayen says
Shared on g+! Great post!
Amy of While Wearing Heels says
Amy, this is exactly why I love you and your blog. Thanks for keeping it real and playing the honestly game with us. It’s so refreshing to hear that *I* am not alone. There is so much pressure, mostly self inflicted to make everything seem *picture* perfect. Your blog has only ever and continues to make me feel inspired. I loved learning more about you today and have even more respect for you and your real life struggles that the rest of us deal with as well. Thanks for sharing.
Jessica Arber says
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!!! 🙂
My favorite bloggers are bloggers like you who are willing to bare it all and show us that you’re real… You’re a super woman and a super mom but not superhuman :)Thanks for being honest!
Marilyn Clark says
Amy, I absolutely love this post….it’s so inspirational every time I read it! 😀
Kara @ Petals to Picots Crochet says
Oh, Amy, I love, love, love this post!! Such an honest peek into our lives as bloggers and moms. 🙂
EveryDay Bloom says
I LOVE THIS POST. Thank you. That is all I can think of to say… it was so refreshing and I needed it. Thank you. Lynaea @ EveryDayBloom.com
Chelsea @ Making Home Base says
Honestly, you are amazing! It’s SO refreshing to me and I’m sure all of your readers to hear bloggers be real! I can relate to so many of those things you talked about. This is REAL inspiration 🙂
j_spenn says
YES to all. This is the first one of your posts I’ve ever looked at and now you’re my favorite! Thanks!!
MaytagNMom says
Awesome and thought provoking post, Amy. You’ve struck a cord in more than one of us, I’m sure. Rock It, Girl!
Thanks for sharing with us, and it’s always great to see creatively {HONEST} minds at work. 🙂
Visiting from Overflowing With [email protected] It’s Overflowing’s linky party
Smiles,
Suz @MaytagNMom
NW Illinois
~~My Current Project At The Party~~
Laura Tusken says
Honestly, I love your honesty. It is so easy to start comparing and belittling ourselves. As bloggers we try to put our best out their first, but honesty is always more attractive. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Kari @ the Sweetest Memory says
Thank you for having the guts to share yourself with us! It is very moving. I struggle with finding life “balance”- taking time with the kids, the house, my husband, while still trying to have me time. Your post shows that we are all human, and as long as we take to show others how much we care, it is all that matters. Keep up the wonderful work! Kari
jo says
Love this post made me feel tonnes better and more normal!
Jenni says
Honestly…all I can say is a big sincere, THANK YOU for sharing!! You hit the nail on the head.
dancers4life says
Thanks so much, Jenni! Glad you enjoyed the post.
Amy says
Just today I seen a crochet craft on favorcrafts website. The craft was by one artsy mama. That caught my eye. I Google the website and check out several craft projects. Then I scroll down and see honestly. If you never read anything else read this. What an inspiration! You have inspired me to do what I have been wanting to do for 16 years now. You have prospered in your artistic abilities only because your honest within and without. That can only come from above. Thank you so much. And may many more blessings come your way.
dancers4life says
Thank you so much for your sweet comment. 🙂 I’m so glad you stopped by today.